Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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