no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
