hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
