Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How naked do you want me to be?
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