apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
