Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
