Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
