Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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