After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
