Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
