I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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