i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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