im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
