He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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