Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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