Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
