there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
