i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
