her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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