She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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