shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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