so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
