Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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