I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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