he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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