so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
