awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
