Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
