Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
