bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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