I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
