For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
