I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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