So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
