My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
