Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
