I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
wow bdsm is so cute
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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