They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
