i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
