it's too hot outside to masturbate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
