Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
