All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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