pop tarts are not kleenex
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
