He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
