Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
