So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
