if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
