a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
