On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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