Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
pray to the hookup gods
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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